Animal Analogies
Animal Analogies
The Animal Models in the DVD
Professor Janet Treasure has developed a set of animal metaphors to describe the effects of different caring styles on the person with the Eating Disorder.
Firstly we must look at how those caring styles may have developed by examining the effect of living with an Eating Disorder on Carers. Essentially Carers put a great deal of effort into trying to discuss and manage the Eating Disorder behaviours and they also want their Loved One to agree to label their behaviour as deviant and faulty, in order to establish a logical pathway to help. These efforts can fall on stony ground and the carer may then begin to suffer emotionally and physically and develop stress related illnesses and clinical levels of anxiety and depression.
Any person living with an eating disorder is at risk of inadvertently behaving in such a way as to maintain the illness, and contribute to their Loved Ones sense of low self-esteem and even self-loathing. These are vicious circles which hold everyone in the grip of the eating disorder.
The jellyfish 
Too Much Emotion and Too Little Control
Some carers may be unable to regulate their own intense emotional responses to the ED. Their distress and anger is transparent to all, this gives the message that this carer needs looking after and at the very least needs to be treated with kid gloves. In this sea of emotion it is hard to steer a clear path. Also, like a jelly fish overt anger and anxiety can exert a poisonous sting with the same uncontrolled emotions being mirrored by the sufferer. Unfortunately, this serves to strengthen the eating disorder hold. The downside is that these ‘sad and mad’ emotions escalate causing tears, tempers, sleepless nights and exhaustion in all parties.
It can be hard to regulate your emotional reaction if you hold some false interpretations about the eating disorder, or have high levels of self blame, or perfectionist expectations about your role as a parent. It is also hard to regulate emotions when you are tired, tense and stressed. Ask yourself the following questions in two ways, as yourself and as if you are a kind compassionate friend looking on at yourself.
• Reflect on your jellyfish tendencies. Are they part of your personality or are they responses you have inadvertently developed?
• What are the effects of these responses on yourself? On others?
• How important is it that you work on your ‘jellyfish’ responses?
• What message about the world does a ‘Jellyfish’ response give?
• If you were advising a friend with the same problem, what would your advice be?
• How would you help them take the step to change their jellyfish behaviour?
• What beliefs do you need to work on in order for this change to happen?
• How can you protect yourself from getting total emotional burn out?
• When could a jellyfish response be helpful?
Brainstorm scheduling some fun into your life and ways to nurture yourself. This may be through a hobby, seeing friends or taking a walk whilst listening to music. Try writing your ideas down and then timetable this relax and recharge time into each day. Another plus side to this change of approach is the sufferer will learn to find ways of coping when you are away.
The ostrich 
Avoidance of the problem. Too Little Emotion and Too Little Control
The ostrich finds it hard to cope with the volcanic situation which often arises when trying to tackle the difficult problem of living with an eating disorder. Emotions and the complexities of human behaviour are too chaotic and confusing. The ostrich literally prefers to put their head down into the sand. This is something he/she knows he/she can confidently do, avoiding what seems too hard. The downside is that the sufferer may misinterpret this approach, seeing you as uncaring and end up feeling unloved. Self-esteem is sapped away. Additionally, the concealment of emotions sets an unhelpful example for the sufferer to follow. Setting an example of emotional honesty and spreading the concept that having controlled emotions is normal and acceptable human behaviour, will aid the sufferer in coming to terms with their own difficulties with emotional expression. Living with others who can and are able to convey their feelings with words will aid the sufferer in changing their only way of articulating their own emotions which currently is through food.
Ask yourself the following questions and also answer these questions as if you are a kind compassionate friend looking on.
• Reflect on your ostrich tendencies. Have they succeeded in helping you and those you love feel safe and secure?
• Could you take steps to become less of an ostrich?
• What message about the world does an ‘Ostrich’ response give?
• Who can support you in experimenting with new responses and help you reflect on how you are doing in this non-ostrich role?
• What would you want this person to do/say? A list of suggestions is often useful.
• What do you think about involving others in helping you make the prerequisite changes?
• How do you feel about making these changes? Are you ready to take the baton and run with it?
• Which of your Ostrich tendencies do you feel are helpful?
Change can be difficult and uncomfortable. It may be worthwhile engaging the help of a supportive family member/friend in your quest to change. Think about your own self-esteem and how role modeling confidence in facing rather than avoiding difficulties might help your loved one experiment with changing their own behaviour.
The kangaroo 
trying to make everything right. Too much emotion Too much control
This type of carer does everything to protect by taking over all aspects of the sufferer’s life. They treat the sufferer with kid gloves, letting them jump into the kangaroo pouch in an effort to avoid any upset or stress. The downside of this type of caring is that your loved one fails to learn how to approach and master life’s challenges. She/he only feels safe living in this limbo land suspended in a child-like cocoon unable to visualise taking on the world in all its colour or the mantle of adulthood.
Ask yourself the following questions and also answer these questions as if you are a kind compassionate friend looking on.
• Reflect on your kangaroo responses. How are they working for you?
• What difficulties are you encountering? Give an example of what is not working for you?
• What message about the world is a ‘Kangaroo’ carer giving?
• What aspects of your kangaroo behaviour can you experiment with?
• How important is it for you to address some of your kangaroo responses?
• Think back to one of your kangaroo behaviours in recent weeks. How can you change that behaviour a little? What would be the first step?
• Which parts of your ‘Kangaroo’ behaviour do you think are helpful?
Change is tough… congratulate yourself after having attempted the change! Taking safe risks is a key aspect of change. You may need to make the change with baby steps.
The rhinoceros 
uses force and logic to win the day. Too little emotion too much control
Fuelled by stress, exhaustion and frustration, or simply one’s own temperament, the rhino attempts to persuade and convince by argument and confrontation. The downside is that even when your loved one does obey, confidence to continue to do so without assistance is not developed. In fact the more likely response to a rhino “in a china shop” is to argue back with an even stronger eating disorder voice. An outcome of this is that, for example, the more the ED minx retaliates, the more the Eating Disorder identity is consolidated, embedded and validated.
Ask yourself the following questions and also answer these questions as if you are a kind compassionate friend looking on.
• Reflect on your rhinoceros responses. Are they working for you?
• What difficulties are you encountering?
• What message about the world does a ‘Rhinoceros’ carer give?
• How can you avoid these obstacles?
• What might be the positive and negative repercussions of changing your rhino response?,?
• What can you do for yourself to lower your anxiety, stress or anger levels?
• Set a goal for yourself with regards to this. How do you think this will make you feel?
• Which Rhino behaviours do you think are helpful?
Whilst contracts work in a ‘crisis situation’, try to motivate and encourage your loved one to grow their own garden of independent thinking by letting them make decisions and come up with innovative solutions.
Remember that the more you argue for change, the more resistance you are likely to face and you will give the sufferer the opportunity to practice arguments for the status quo. This allows the eating disorder to embed itself more deeply. A key communication skill is allowing the sufferer the opportunity to present her/his own arguments as to why change is needed.
The terrier 
uses persistence (often perceived as criticism)
The terrier persistently , cajoles, nags and tries to wear out the anorexic minx or the bulimic boa constrictor. The downside of this terrier type behaviour is that either the sufferer tunes out to what they perceive as irritating white noise, or gives the opportunity for covert negative counteracting behaviours. Caring motives are misunderstood and everyone’s morale is sapped. Your loved one loses the inner resource to face the rich tapestry of life without an eating disorder identity.
Ask yourself the following questions and also answer these questions as if you are a kind compassionate friend looking on.
• Reflect on your terrier tendencies. How do they make you and the family feel? Are they working and helping your Loved One to feel safe enough to leave eating disorder?
• What are the effects of this terrier response on yourself? And on others?
• How important is it that you work on your ‘terrier’ type behaviour?
• If you were advising a friend with the same problem, what would your advice be?
• What beliefs do you need to work on in order for this change to happen?
• How can you take steps to be an active listener?
• Speed and timing are factors you can consider.
• What specifically can you do now to get started with these different patterns of responding?
• Which terrier behaviours do you think are helpful?
The eating disorder is rather like a terrier constantly criticising your loved one - saying she/he is not good enough, needs to try harder. Role modeling active listening and reflection with compassion and sensitivity directed to the positive will help her/him have the support and encouragement to challenge the eating disorder voice.
Practice praising the sufferers efforts rather than the results. (see Section 4)
Inspirational Animals
Of all the animals in the animal kingdom, we want you to aspire to be a St Bernard for warmth and compassion in the face of danger and a Dolphin for its wisdom and hands off form of support.
The dolphin 
Just enough caring and control
An optimal way of helping someone with an eating disorder is to gently nudge them along. Imagine your loved one is at sea. The eating disorder identity is his/ her life vest. She/he is unwilling to give up the safety of this life vest whilst living in the frozen wasteland of the eating disorder. You are the dolphin, nudging her/him to safety, at times swimming ahead, leading the way, showing them new vistas, at other times swimming alongside with encouragement, or even quietly swimming behind, showing trust and confidence.
The St Bernard 
Just enough compassion and consistency
Another optimal caring response is one of calmness, warmth and compassion. This involves accepting and processing the pain resulting from what is lost through the eating disorder and developing reserves of kindness, gentleness and love. The St Bernard instills hope in your loved one that they can change, that there is a future full of possibility beyond the eating disorder. The St. Bernard responds consistently and is unfailing, reliable and dependable in all circumstances. The St. Bernard has a good antennae attuned to the welfare and safety of those who are lost…calm, warm and nurturing.
In reality there are no ‘good’ animals and no ‘bad’ animals. Take what is good about each animal and learn to use those skills in a flexible and timely fashion. Sometimes it is necessary to be firm and consistent and be relied upon to do the right thing eg. Get the person to hospital when they seem to unwell. Sometimes it is compassionate to help the person to get started by eg. Making an appointment. Side stepping arguments is an invaluable skill and avoiding an overly detailed focus. A carer who is only too aware of the overwhelming emotions and anxieties which can engulf a person can demonstrate that it is possible to navigate through and be able to feel calm and safe, while naming your emotions. If you do find yourself in an out of control situation then you will be able to reflect on that animal and reassess how to proceed. You can show your Loved One that it is OK to get things wrong, forgive yourself and learn to change.
Ref: ‘Skills-based learning for Caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder: the New Maudsley Method’ By Janet Treasure, Grainne Smith and Anna Crane. Pub.Routledge 2007.